On Stay-at-home mothers
Excerpted from an article by Miltinnie Yih
I still remember the dread I used to have when I attended
business functions with my husband when I was a stay-at-home mother. I
felt a distain and disinterest from people I met when I revealed that I was
a homemaker. People could hardly move away fast enough. It was
obvious that I couldn't be of help to their networking or business
and therefore in their eyes, I had little worth.
So I have
always distrusted the interest people showed me later when I was working
outside the home and was perceived to be useful or influential. While
others may have begun to value me more, I knew that this was not what increased
my value to God. "The Lord does not see as man sees, for man
looks a the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the hear" (1
Samuel 16:7). He sees and counts differently.
The world
is impressed by numbers. One's occupation is often measured by
how much money is earned. Since staying at home to raise a child doesn't
bring in any income, the job of raising a child seems devalued. Successful
people are measured by how many and what kinds of people one influences,
so staying home with a child seems insignificant. There are no colleagues
to recognize your work, and it will be a long time before your child will
thank you for the job you've done. (I was forty years old before
it occurred to me to write my mother a long letter thanking her for all she
did for me. She told me that she carried that letter in her purse for
over a year.) Job satisfaction is measured by how stimulating the job
is and what opportunities it offers for both personal and professional growth
and development. Raising a child is considered menial and boring, because
the work at home is unglamorous and doesn't seem to lead anywhere. When
measured by the world's standards, the job of the stay-at-home mother
loses out every time.
In the
Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7), Jesus points out the value system of the
Kingdom of God. He tells what is considered blessed and reveals that
some people will reap rewards in heaven and some even "great" rewards. These
kinds of people fall into the following categories: (1) those who lose
out in this life for Christ's sake who will be repaid in the Kingdom
of Heaven (e.g. those who are poor or mourn, or who are gentle, are persecuted
and slandered); (2) those who seek God and His ways who will get what they
seek (e.g. those who seek His Kingdom, righteousness, mercy, peace); (3)
those who keep His commands who will be called "great" in the
Kingdom of Heaven (e.g. those who love their enemies, take seriously the
sins ofanger, lust, lying and divorce); and (4) those who do acts of
piety for the Lord in secret to whom "great will be the reward: (e.g.
give, pray, fast, forgive). Mothers could qualify in several if not
all of these categories, but especially in the last one which earns great
rewards!
Because
of the "invisible" and ignominious nature of mothering, those
who work at home with their children have extraordinary opportunities to "lose
out in this life" from the world's point of view, seek God, and
keep His commands, and do works of piety in secret. I like to call
this kind of work, the Ministry of Obscurity. No one really sees the
care and effort you put into raising your children at home, no one that is,
except the Lord, "and your Father who sees in secret will repay you" (Matthew
6:4, 6, 18).
It isn't
what we do that gives us significance, but Whom we do it for. If the
President came to your town and asked you to run a menial errand for him,
would you sneer and balk at the lowliness of the task? My guess is
that you'd feel incredibly honored to b asked and would do it with
a sense of heightened purpose. What makes a task valuable is not the
type of task it is, but who is asking you to do it. The Apostle Paul
said, "Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather
than for men; knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the
inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve" (Colossians
3:23-24). What if the Lord asked you to mother your children for Him?
Some may
think that raising a child is a very low level activity, but this is because
we don't see it for what it really is or could be. Mothering
involves shaping, molding, motivating, stimulating, encouraging, comforting,
supporting, reassuring, teaching, training, correcting, disciplining, protecting,
soothing, nourishing, cultivating, strengthening, emboldening, developing,
empowering, nurturing, loving and cherishing a tender impressionable young
human being made in God's and your image entrusted to your care. This
could be treated as a menial job of biding time until the child grows up
and out, or it could be treated as a work of faith done as unto the Lord.
It used
to be said that "the hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world." Too
often today, we think the hand that rocks the cradle has nothing else better
to do. A study of the different kings of Judah and Israel will reveal
the influence of their mothers (or childhood court counselors) and wives
that extend throughout the entire kingdom for good or for evil. How
did we lose sight of the vision that a mother has the ability to be the greatest
influence on a life in this world and possibly the next? How did we
stop coveting that role?
I still
remember when someone questioned me about wasting my Stanford education by
being a stay-at-home mom. I always felt that Stanford helped me to
become an educated person, which should affect everything I do, making me
a better mother or CEO. The assumption was that being a mother is a
poor use of a life with great potential. This is to be expected for
those in the Ministry of Obscurity. But being a Christian frees me
to do the unobvious: to follow His lead and live by His values. Though
the values of the world are imposing and pulsate so well with our own rhythms,
we are called to march to the sound of a different Drummer, who counts differently.
I have
had many jobs in my life including teaching, counseling, starting a business,
professional fundraising, helping to start an orphanage and home for unwed
mothers, as well as writing and speaking at conferences. Without hesitation,
my greatest and most fulfilling accomplishment has been raising my three
children for the Lord.